


Be lynxes

by luemeldane



Series: The Tales Of The Bunny And The Fox [4]
Category: Mindhunter (TV 2017)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Missing Scene, Partners to Lovers, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, bill's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 19:23:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12777798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luemeldane/pseuds/luemeldane
Summary: They stood like that for what could have been seconds or hours, for all the older man knew. All the aggressive feelings that had been consuming him began to stir in a whole different manner as their eyes refused to stray from each other and he wasn’t sure anymore if a punch would be the result if he gave in to them. He couldn’t really help it all that much, Holden had a way to get under his skin to which there were no precedents in Bill’s life. The usual strategies he used to keep people at a safe distance had failed systematically. Being rude, cruel, sarcastic, condescending and so on seemed to only bring the boy closer instead of pushing him away. Which shouldn’t surprise Bill all that much, considering that very little about Holden fell within the scope of normality. But even if he knew it, even if he had known since the very first lecture they gave back in Iowa, he had failed at shielding himself from it.





	Be lynxes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys! As promised, I come bringing you some romance! Well, there is no physicality to it yet, but it began at least! 
> 
> I had to break the second half of the second episode in two parts because there was just *so much* going on there! I tried to fit it in one piece, but it got way too long - more than twenty pages. I know that this kind of story, that follows the 'real events' can be tiresome and I figured it would become too heavy to read so many pages of description at once. The good news is that the next one is almost ready and will be up soon!
> 
> This one features a scene that is not in the show. It happens between their fight in the parking lot and the interview with Kemper. It struck me as odd that Bill was raging off and profusely refusing to go with Holden and then, suddenly - BAM - the scene changes and he is there. I felt like there was a missing scene, one that could explain Bill's change of heart, and it was my cue to bring the romance in, so... 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy my intakes in this story!

As he walked out of the penitentiary compound after his second interview with Kemper, Holden seemed distressed. He got in the car without a word and just _looked_ at Bill with a mix of bewilderment and expectancy filling up his eyes. It was almost like he wanted the older man to ask how did it go. No, scratch that, it was exactly what he wanted to happen. He wanted to share whatever knowledge he thought he had gained with his partner, but it was not just that either. He was still hoping that Bill would be actively interested in it too. Why he was so determined to make the senior agent a part of that bizarre side project of his, Bill still couldn’t understand. He clearly didn’t need permission to do it, he didn’t need help and the grizzled man doubted that what he was after was his wise insights about the matter. More likely, he just wanted acceptance and recognition from someone. Or maybe just company, really - Agent Tench could relate to that. 

Whatever it was, Bill refused to give. His opinion on the matter hadn’t changed since the last visit and he was making an effort to keep his mouth shut. Conversations of any kind would be encouraging from Holden’s perspective, but trying to talk him out of it was the worst strategy of all. As the boy avidly tried to convince his superior, he would also reinforce his own convictions about what he was doing. Moreover, Bill wanted to avoid the hidden traps of Holden’s way of thinking. He had fallen into one of them in the past, back in the motel room when he suddenly thought it was a good idea to help the kid come up with a dialogue that would effectively work to make the degenerate Co-ed Killer spill his guts to him. And Bill could remember all too well how enthusiastic he had been on that occasion and every time he did, he felt the urge to punch his own stupid mug. He had thought it was challenging, trying to see if they could manipulate and deceive someone well known for having mastered the art of doing it to other people. Would it work? Were they aiming for the right weak points? All the questions and the all-consuming thrill of trying something new and treading unknown paths… It was something way too dangerous to his current self and he just wanted to keep as much distance from it as possible.

He knew that he would never get too far, not with Holden as his partner. But at least he could indulge the boy as little as possible and hope that flame would die sooner than later (or than never). After a few minutes, Holden finally succumbed to his permanent urge to spew out whatever was eating his insides, not caring if Bill was willing to listen anymore. Despite his resolve about not getting involved in these affairs, as the boy described his conversation with the murderer, the older man got increasingly worried.

“Well, he's got you pegged. He's telling you what he's guessed you want to hear.” Bill pointed out.

“But why would I want to hear that?” Holden asked with a soft and low voice, almost like a whisper, as if he was going to scare the thoughts away if he spoke too loud about them. 

“Because you're you. You told him about your university education, and your sassy girlfriend, and your sensitive character, and he tailored his bullshit to fit. Why did you tell him that stuff?” The older man asked and there was no anger in his voice, despite the fact that he had plenty of reason to be furious about this whole situation. But more than angry, he was really concerned that Holden would go this far. How could the boy be comfortable speaking about his own woman to a man who had rejoiced in brutalizing and killing her kind? If he did it purposely, it would be troublesome enough. But if he actually wasn’t aware of how fucked up that was? It would be way,  _ way  _ worse. And by the sound of it, Bill would put his chips on the latter option.

“To loosen him up.” He spoke quickly, as if he was beginning to feel a little embarrassed about it. 

“Why do you feel the need to tell him about your girlfriend?” Bill insisted because he honestly couldn’t understand it. 

“Just to get him talking.” Different words, same answer. But the way he had highlighted the ‘just’ with his voice sounded like a pitiable justification attempt. 

“Holden, he's had seven years in a correctional facility. He's been practicing. Don't encourage him.”

“I was trying to disarm him.” Holden stated defensively, but he was looking down in a defeated manner. 

“You're a federal agent. Don't give him anything. He's your subject. Be objective.” It was both an advice and a warning. Beyond the personal issues involved in the whole ordeal, there was also the professional ones. Someone who worked for the FBI  _ should know _ how valuable information is. No matter how small, everything is important. And even the people closest to you shouldn’t know too much - nothing more than the necessary - let alone the people you're supposed to be going against! Even if Bill wasn’t too keen about the positive outcomes of it, the idea behind Holden’s effort to make Kemper spill his secrets was to gain knowledge about his motivation and methods so they could use it to solve similar cases. Bill didn’t like the idea  _ per se _ , but he respected the sentiment. But it was barely the second interview session and what was happening was the opposite: Holden was the one exposing himself out of his own free will. There were so many things wrong with that picture that Bill couldn’t even begin to list them.  

“I've gotta trust my instincts on this.” The boy said earnestly and it sounded a little like a plea for Bill to trust them too. 

“There's that word again!” Bill snapped. It was the second time that Holden was speaking about his instincts as if they were a reliable scientific data. “So in Fairfield, Iowa you were in the Dark Ages, and now suddenly, you have all these unimpeachable instincts?”

“Well, it's been a process.” The boy said stubbornly, even if it was clear on his face that he actually realized the contradiction of his ways. 

“Okay, look, there's no doubt whatever happened in there was a profound experience for you, but I need you to understand that whatever you think, there is a distinct possibility that he's manipulating you.” Bill said slowly, as if it would help to make it get through the whirlwind that was Holden’s mind. The absence of response was a good sign that it might have worked. The pensive and faraway look in the boy’s eyes was an even better one. 

 

\---x---

 

There was no telling if Bill’s words had had an effect over Holden’s ideas or not. But even if the kid hadn’t abandoned them, at least he was not talking or doing anything about it anymore. Countless days and nights passed by after that second visit to Vacaville and Bill would admit that those had been delightful. They continued with their Road School trips, going all over the country side by side. They shared cars, planes, rooms, lectures, benches, beers, food, coffee and so much more that it wasn’t even worth trying to point everything out. There was no doubt that they got closer and closer with each one of those trips. There was a strong sense of companionship developing between them and it could be ascertained in the smallest of things. 

The way Holden would simply go to sleep when Bill was driving was one. The boy had fallen asleep in the car before, sure, but only when he had been too tired and couldn’t help it. Now, he was comfortable enough sharing the narrow space with the older man that he would just find a good position and let himself drift off to dreamland without a second thought. Unconsciously, it showed that he trusted Bill with his life. Being on the asphalt invariably involved the risk of death. As the animals that we are, when in fear (even if we don’t recognize the feeling), we stay tense and alert. The fact that Holden was able to relax and just doze off was an indicator that he felt safe on those moments and, by extension, that he felt safe with Bill. And it was not only because he had faith in his superior’s driving skills, but because he had faith in the man himself. Sleeping was a moment of vulnerability one would willingly allow other to share only if said person was of reliance. 

Which leads to another thing that had changed in their dynamics - Bill would also sleep just about anywhere if Holden was around. He didn’t care about appearances, position, rank, hierarchy or any of that bullshit anymore. And it was not just the abstract distance between them that had shortened - in the sense that they let their guard down with each other - but the physical one as well. Before he realized, the seat that Bill always made sure that was between them in the planes and public benches had disappeared and wherever they were, their sides would be touching, sometimes briefly and sometimes fully on. In fact, they were comfy enough to even fall asleep leaning against each other for support and stability if the surroundings were safe enough. The fact that this proximity didn’t bother them spoke volumes about their relationship - this kind of intimacy was not common, not even amongst friends, let alone amongst colleagues. 

But the fact was that they didn’t see each other strictly as fellow FBI Agents working on the same project anymore. Despite their painfully obvious differences, they had actually bonded. The time they spent together was interesting and was getting funnier and funnier too. Holden aloofness and naivety in some regards was amusing to Bill and the boy’s frustration whenever his grumpy-old-man’s ways got the better of him was actually cute - and Bill would mock him about it at any given chance. In the end, what they were doing felt more like an adventure than a cold duty, all the trouble with cops pulling them over due to excessive speed, engine failures, flat tires and Holden’s lack of skills in the mechanical department included. The Road School became liberating again, allowing them to be away from whatever troubles were back home and just have a good time while doing their work.

They were proper partners now, Bill had thought once. The taste the word left in his mouth was not the one he had intended it to and he decided to stop thinking about it altogether because it was some very dangerous territory right there. 

 

\---x---

 

Everything was working so well in the last few weeks that it should have made Bill suspicious. But he was so focused on enjoying the moment that he hadn’t given a second thought about how much longer it would last. When they ended up their lecture in Sacramento, he was actually thrilled that a local detective approached them asking for help with a case. He had always been a hands-on guy and to the horror of his colleagues, he always liked to get involved with the local law enforcement. So, he saw an opportunity to do something a little bit different there and didn’t think twice about taking it. Holden seemed to be more than fine with it too, and that alone should have set off some alarming signs inside his head. If it had, maybe he would have been able to avoid the troubles that ensued. But no such luck. 

In retrospect, he might have been a little sidetracked about how usual the case appeared to be. It was a beaten up old lady and a dead dog. In comparison to the crimes they had dealt with recently, this one looked fairly simple. It was almost innocent, in a way - there was no sexual aspect to the aggression, there were no gruesome factors like torture and dismemberment and so on. The fact that a crime like that seemed almost  _ normal _ to Bill was very unsettling, but he chose to not reflect on that right in that moment. Instead, he concentrated on the info Roy Carver was giving to them because the best thing he could do was guarantee that the criminal responsible for that got what he deserved.  

They slept on it and the first thing they did in the next morning was talking to the victim. They got some useful information there and headed to a cafe where they could discuss it over some much-needed breakfast. He ended up squeezed between the wall and Holden’s body in a far too small booth. He had half a mind to wonder what was wrong with the people who designed those things. Even if Bill was big, he was not that big. There was no way two grown men, even if they were regular sized, would fit well in that thing. And it was not that he was bothered by the proximity with his partner, by that point he was already used to it, but the lack of space to maneuver made it difficult for him to eat and that was really annoying. But soon his attention got caught by the theories coming up and he stopped minding it all that much either. When the time for their departure approached, he let Holden know and they stood up to leave. He was feeling very satisfied with the whole thing, thought that their insights might have been helpful and that Roy might be able to catch this guy if he followed them. 

Before they could say their goodbyes and go their separate ways, Holden opened his mouth and all of a sudden, Bill’s magic bubble was mercilessly burst.

“We might be able to help you with that.” The boy said and Bill didn’t even try to hide the disbelieving expression that painted itself all over his face. 

 

\---x--- 

 

“Fuck!” The older agent all but shouted, taking his anger out on the poor phone that had nothing to do with it. Maybe he should bang it against Holden’s head, that would be more fair. “Nancy's gonna kill me. We can't get a flight 'till Sunday.” He said as he approached the car, tossing his briefcase into the backseat by the open window (only because there was no way he would be able to hit the other man with it from that angle). 

“Maybe this kid's like Kemper.” The boy muttered, albeit loudly, as Bill entered the car. He was completely oblivious to the man’s raging fit. 

“We have to get a room.” The older agent cut in, choosing to ignore what had just come out of his partner's mouth in order to preserve his sanity.

“I can take care of the room.” Holden was quick to dismiss the issue. “We can turn this into an opportunity. It could help with the Gonzales case.”

“I can't believe I'm stuck with you.” Bill blurted, exasperated. Despite all the fun he’d had recently, in that exact moment the sentiment was genuine. 

“We can talk to Kemper.” 

“No! I'm gonna play golf.” 

“Come with me.” 

“I'm not consulting with Ed Kemper.”

“Not to consult. Just background. When did his behavior escalate?” Holden said, as if rationalizing it to fit the situation would make the idea any better. 

“You can't stay away from that motherfucker, can you?” Bill finally asked what was on his mind as he took a cigarette out and fumbled aggressively with his pocket in order to get his lighter out.

“No, please. Don't say ‘motherfucker.’” Holden interjected and if Bill had been in a better mood, he would have laughed at that. It was just like the kid to be bothered by an unintended pun instead of… everything else, really. “You know that he'll respond to your seniority. You could really smoke him out.” He continued, trying to appeal to Bill’s ego.

“No, not now.” To no avail, though, if one would judge it by the way Bill turned his body to the opposite side and looked out of the window as if he was wishing the boy away. 

“We're stuck here all weekend. What else are you gonna do?”

“I said forget about it, man.” He said emphatically, putting an end to that conversation. 

 

\---x---

 

The ride to the motel was filled with a tense silence. When they arrived, Holden got out of the car to check with the receptionist if their room was still available while Bill smoked another cigarette. He came out of the reception holding a key. 

“The room is empty, we can extend our stay until Sunday.” He said with a small smile, as if he had solved the biggest issue right there. In order to keep himself from punching that pretty face, Bill chose to keep quiet.

As they finally entered their room, the older man threw his luggage over one of the beds. He knew that he was overreacting a little and he wasn’t even sure why he was angry anymore, but his insides were bubbling up furiously. He moved to the window and grabbed the curtains, opening them with one practiced movement. He reached into his pocket in order to get a cigarette that he fully intended to smoke while looking outside - at somewhere he knew Holden Ford wouldn’t be. 

“You are going to smoke another one?” The voice came from the other side of the room and was filled with worry. As he chanced a look at its owner, he found the man looking intently at him with furrowed brows. 

“Problem?” He asked, short and cold, turning back to the glass. He knew that he was smoking more than usual, but it helped him calm down and he very much needed it. Even still, he retreated his hand and it came out empty.

“C’mon Bill, you can’t stay mad at me forever.” The boy spoke with a dejected tone. “Why are you so angry, anyway? It’s just a few more days.” He added.

“I’m angry because you do these things by yourself and I always get caught up in the middle. Once you’ve said your shit, you compromise both of us. I can’t just back away from it because it would make me and the Bureau look bad. But you don’t ask whether I want to stay or not, whether I want to offer further help or not, you don’t even consider that I might have wanted to be home, that I might have things to do there. And you do it because you want to feed this fucked up obsession with Kemper that you have!”  The words left his mouth before he realized and if they could cut, Holden would be in shreds. 

“It’s not an obsession. He has something to offer, whether you like it or not. And it’s something that might help us and many other people. You just don’t want to see it, because it bothers you to admit that the world is not always black or white. Things are not just good or bad, but there’s a gray area there where we have to make our own evaluations and choose what to do about it. Yes, he is a killer, a degenerate, a deviant. But if what he has to say can help us put other people like him behind bars, why is it to so bad to listen?” Holden asked with a determined voice, but it was underlined with the usual pleading tone that it always had when he wanted to make Bill  _ see  _ something or admit to seeing it, anyway. 

“It-!” He trailed off, gritting his teeth in order to keep the word  _ isn’t  _ from escaping his lips. 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t consider your feelings about it. I haven’t done it out of spite. Sometimes I get overexcited and I speak before I can really think it through.” Holden said earnestly and began to walk towards the older man, stopping when there was no more than an inch between their bodies. He sounded apologetic, but not regretful and his eyes seemed strangely expectant. Carefully slowly, his right hand worked it’s way up to touch Bill’s shoulder in a tentative, feather-like touch. “Bill, please.” He outright pleaded, his voice going soft and low, the intense pair of dark orbs transfixed on the grizzled man. Somehow, it sounded deeper than it should and Bill wasn’t sure if the boy was begging for his forgiveness, for his help or for something else entirely. 

“Don’t-!” Instinctively, Bill grabbed the other’s wrist to shove the hand away, but his body apparently didn’t get the memos from his brain. As soon as his fingers closed around the fragile joint, he felt himself freezing on the spot and the rest of words got caught in his throat.  

They stood like that for what could have been seconds or hours, for all the older man knew. All the aggressive feelings that had been consuming him began to stir in a whole different manner as their eyes refused to stray from each other and he wasn’t sure anymore if a punch would be the result if he gave in to them. He couldn’t really help it all that much, Holden had a way to get under his skin to which there were no precedents in Bill’s life. The usual strategies he used to keep people at a safe distance had failed systematically. Being rude, cruel, sarcastic, condescending and so on seemed to only bring the boy closer instead of pushing him away. Which shouldn’t surprise Bill all that much, considering that very little about Holden fell within the scope of normality. But even if he knew it, even if he had known since the very first lecture they gave back in Iowa, he had failed at shielding himself from it.

And now he was stop dead in the middle of a shady motel room looking directly into Holden’s eyes and seeing something that he would have happily ignored for the rest of his life, if given the chance. But Holden insisted on confronting him with youthfulness, with hunger, with an ardent fascination about the world and its mysteries and it became harder and harder to stay unaffected. Up to the day he’d met the kid and foolishly thought he was nothing more than a dumb bunny whose inexorable fate was being eaten alive by a system made of foxes, Bill’s life had settled into a change-proof routine. It’s not that he always did the same things because the Road School kept him on the move, but he always did things the same way and it was making him more and more rigid by the minute. It was much like a pond of water that had no oxygenation - it was destined to rot. He had felt it in his bones, a heaviness that wasn’t caused by his age or lack of continuous physical training, but by the lack of a reason to keep moving forward - towards something,  _ anything _ . 

In that sense, Holden had been a breath of fresh air that blew into Bill’s life. He had stirred the water and renewed the pond’s life. He forced Bill to think differently, to act differently, to be sharp enough to deal with the unexpected and the unknown. He rekindled the almost dead flame of Bill’s curiosity. He walked over every one of the older agent’s attempts at stopping him from doing all of it. But it was not just that. That would have stayed in the realm of their work - an agent trying to motivate his colleague for the sake of ‘the job’. But he had also refused to leave Bill to his own devices, despite meeting little more than resistance from the other. For some reason that escaped his reasoning, it seemed like the boy didn’t want to give up on him. It was almost like he saw something in Bill that the man himself couldn’t and whatever it was, made Bill worth of all the effort.

It was very hard - impossible maybe - to keep unmoved by that at a personal level. Agent Tench was only human, after all. And faced with the pair of earnest brown eyes that had thrown his life for a loop and the warm feeling of the elegant hand hovering over his clad skin, he felt more human than he had in God knows how many years. His grip on the thick wrist unwittingly hardened, but instead of escalating, the anger that had pooled in the pit of his stomach left him like air leaving a deflating balloon. Chances were that he had been on the edge because his whole being was rejecting these changes that he suddenly found himself going through. And as he slowly came to terms with them, the aggression was replaced by a somewhat vague resignation. The strong squeeze on the other’s limb was the last desperate struggle of the old Bill to survive. But he had been so weakened by the coexistence with the boy he was currently facing that it lasted no more than a second and then,  _ that _ Bill went down. 

“I’ll go with you.” He finally said with such a low voice that it would be more accurately described as a whisper. Languidly, his fingers uncurled and he let his hand slide gently, all but caressing the pale skin (exposed when Holden had lifted his arm and his sleeve came up a little) before losing contact with it. 

Suddenly, the air around them seemed to go still and heavy. Something shifted in Holden’s semblance. His eyes widened just a fraction, but somehow Bill could see the surprise in them just as well as he would have if they had fallen out of the other’s skull. His hand fell off the taller man’s shoulder.

“What?” He asked weakly, unsure if he had heard it right. 

“I said I’ll go with you. To talk to Kemper.” This time, Bill’s voice came out more solid and loud, as if the words were becoming less alien to him little by little. 

After hearing his superior speaking loud and clear and confirming that he had also heard it right in the first time, Holden’s face lightened up and he opened his mouth to say something. He seemed to come out short of words, though, and just gaped helplessly for a second before pressing his lips together again. The boy’s eyebrows were in his hairline, but his eyes were very bright. Despite his momentarily lack of ability to elaborate verbally about his feelings over their current situation, he didn’t really need to. They were very clear on his face, especially in the almost sheepish smile that was growing to adorn it. Wisely deciding to not push his luck any further and risk a change of mind from his partner, Holden turned on his heels and walked to his side of the room, quietly going back to his own business, whatever they were. The smile didn’t subside though, and Bill had a feeling that it wouldn’t for a long time. 

“Stop gloating, kid.” He said with a strange mix of annoyance and fondness in his voice. The faint chuckle that resounded lightly through the room was the only response he got before he turned towards the previously exposed window glasses and looked pensively at the ordinary scenery it revealed. He knew that they had come to a watershed moment in their relationship. As he accepted what Holden was offering to him, they had become more than just professional partners. What was about to come was life changing in every aspect and they were in it together, whatever ‘it’ was. And considering that they’ll probably be breaking through some new grounds, it was them both against the system now. But would they be a duo of bunnies of a duo of foxes? 

“ _ We better be lynxes _ ” _.  _ Bill thought absentmindedly, finally reaching for that cigarette he had been longing for. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's it for now folks! The next one will be coming soon, I hope you keep up with me! And please, don't forget to leave some kudos and comments to let me know what you think about this - especially about the added scene. Do you think I've got Holden and Bill right? I'm very curious and would love to have your feedback!


End file.
